Day 2 and I'm blogging again...
Just wanted to talk about one of my all-time favorite things to pray over people - that God would tell them "hi." Yep, sounds a bit elementary, and to some, a bit small-sized for such a gi-normous God of the Universe. I believe that our God Most High can use any and every way He so chooses to tell us that He loves us. And, for me, it often comes in the most intimate, and sometimes downright, random ways, that He tells me hello.
I must give props to my good friend, Steph, who first introduced me to that phrase when we lived in South Florida. We had just met, but had formed such a cool friendship from the very beginning. We were chatting about life and God one day on the beach, and we looked out to see a couple of dolphins swim by in the ocean. She said, "oh, that's God saying hi." And, I've been looking for ways He tells me "hi" ever since. I pray the same for you.
In the days following Tony's death, the small "hi's" have been there, but more often they have been shouts of "hello." Daily, I receive a call, a story, a message on Facebook from folks, sometimes strangers, who tell me how much Tony's death and my response to it has affected their lives. I am grateful for these reminders from God that he's got this 30-year-old widow in His hands. It is completely Him who is working in my life, for I often don't even remember what I say or speak. I have a whole new understanding of walking by faith and not by sight. I recall telling God in the first days after this tragedy that if He did not continue to use me and work through my life to bring others to Himself, that surely I would just curl up and die. Yes, that's a harsh thing to tell God, but I meant every word.
Silly me, to think that God would not use my loss for His glory. I don't even know the lives that have been touched or the lives that are yet to be touched. Let me again say, this is NOTHING OF ME but only God who works in and through me, because He loves me so much to not let me just endure this pain and not be transformed by it. Of course, I would trade all this in to get my husband back on this earth, but since that is not possible, I must choose God's Glory on this earth until it is my time to join Tony in heaven.
One of the coolest ways of God saying "hi" is through the reading and studying of His Word. He spoke to me in many ways today, but by far the coolest was when I was reading in Exodus (yes, that is correct, Exodus, it is actually quite a facinating read!). In chapters 4 through 12, it talks about how God even used Pharaoh to bring Glory to Himself. It was when Moses was asking Pharaoh to let the Israelites leave Egypt and God kept bringing plagues on Egypt due to Pharaoh's continued refusal to let them go. In some of the plagues, the Bible says that Pharaoh chose to harden his heart and in other plagues, it says that God hardened his heart. It goes on to explain that this happened so that God could use these miraculous events to bring Glory to Himself. Now, if God chose to use Pharaoh, who was adamently opposed to God, to bring Him Glory, how much more will God use us, who are for God, for His Glory?
I cannot fathom the ways He intends to use me, for now I am just taking my journey one day at a time, sometimes, one moment at a time. And tomorrow is a big day, our 2 year wedding anniversary. Though I never imagined this day without Tony by my side, I will celebrate and remember the amazing earthy love we share. I will look for ways for God to tell me "hi" and continue to ask Him to use me, even in the smallest of ways, for His Glory.