The hardest part about my journey of sorrow is being in the present. It's the here and now that seem utterly hopeless and unbearable most days.
My past is full of sweet memories of my love. My future, though hard to picture, holds tiny glimmers of hope that God will use my hardship for His glory. But, my present, my now, holds darkness and tears and overwhelming odds and pain. It is in my present that I find myself just wanting to give up. It is in my present when I ask God, "Really?"
The sermon I heard this Sunday addressed this very topic - how quick we are to praise God for what He has done in the past and believe Him for the future, yet, we almost become unbelievers when it comes to trusting Him with the present.
I am reminded of the verses in Exodus 3 when Moses asks God His name. He responds, "I am who I am." He answered Moses with "am" not with "was" or "will be." His name is present tense. He is the God of the present.
And He is the God of my present, no matter how dark it seems to me.
The pastor went on to encourage us to live and to trust God in the present. My Tony was the master of that. He would often pull me aside just to dance for a moment together. He would sit and watch the birds out our back window even when we were pinched for time. He would eat every single one of my prized (and expensive) gluten-free cookies, laugh and say, "Melissa, sometimes you just have to enjoy the simple pleasures in life. We can buy more cookies." My husband learned from his past, dreamed big for his future, still he mastered living in the present.
So I practiced this life lesson yesterday (a Monday, of all days) and I spent the majority of the day in tears. That is what greeted me in my present so I let them flow. Just about the time I wanted to give up, I had a knock at my office door and in walked my colleague with a Zaxby's birthday cake milkshake that I had been eyeing on TV for weeks. She had seen my weary face and thought I could use a "pick me up."
And the great I AM said hello in my present...through my sweet tooth and my love for all things chocolate and ice cream and icing...
Dearly loved, in the present,