Monday, April 30, 2012

From this day FORWARD...

For-ward (adverb): Toward or tending to the front; frontward: step forwardInto consideration: put forward...In or toward the future: looking forward to...

Forward.

What would have been our 4 year wedding anniversary was last Thursday.

No plans were made. No special recognition. No hoopla. No Facebook post. No blog. Really, only a few folks knew or remembered.

And it was completely okay with me. I woke up. I got dressed. I went to work. I was supported and loved on by a few close friends and family. And then the day was over. Time moved on. It moved forward.

It's not that a big deal being made or not made was right or wrong. It was simply my choice. And I chose to spend the day in quiet reflection. I chose to let the day come and go, and to let my emotions come and go too.

It was the same a week prior when I chose to trade in Tony's car that I had been driving since his death. That's by far the biggest item of his I have had to part with. Sure, I could have held on longer, I just chose otherwise. I chose to walk away, to drive away, to drive forward.

Forward.

This is a word that God has continued to impress upon me for the last several weeks. I must admit each time I hear it, I just want to balk at it. I want to push back, to step back, to protest, to make excuses, to start to feel sorry for myself, to look for attention and affirmation for my backward-moving emotions.

I don't always want to move forward.
Moving forward is hard.
Moving forward requires letting go.
Moving forward is uncomfortable and scary and unknown.

Moving forward puts me face to face with a future that's uncertain, a future I can't see.

But that's where 2 Corinthians 5 comes in. It says in verse 7:
"For we live by faith, not by sight."

Faith.

The day after our anniversary, I pulled out our guest book from our wedding. My sweet friend Steph created a beautiful scrapbook amongst pages that our guests signed. I still can't bear to read all the well wishes from our loved ones, loved ones who never thought the beginning and end of our marriage would come so soon. 

Yet, I was struck by one particular page and picture.



This was one of our engagement photos. The phrase below it said "From This Day Forward."

I went digging for that very photo from group of photos our sweet friend Pon took for us after we were engaged. That's where I came across this candid shot.


It now seems like a more fitting picture for that phrase above. It's as if Tony is gently nudging me forward.

Forward.
From this day forward.
Forward.
By faith.

Dearly loved,
Melissa


3 comments:

  1. This is a powerful post, Melissa.
    The pictures say so much.
    Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope.
    You are greatly loved.
    Joy

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  2. Wanted to share the song that has been on my heart for the last few months. I think it relates to your post. Enjoy my friend!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO4ISkFGrEs&feature=related

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  3. Simply beautiful. I love reading of your beauty from ashes.

    ReplyDelete